Transitions

Whoops.. I took a little unintended blogging break.  It always happens that when I am trying to keep things under wraps I run out of bloggy fodder.
  Since January 4th I have: quit the pizza delivery job, packed up my belongings, moved back to Terrace, moved into my brothers suite, packed up his belongings (haven't quite got them moved into the attic yet) Unpacked and sorted through my mountains of clothes, played mom for two weeks, shoveled way too much snow, procrastinated finding a job, decided to move on with my life and grant Mr. Darcy a divorce, won and lost at Monopoly, Crib, Trivial Pursuit, Crazy Eight Countdown and Scrabble.

That about sums up my life for the past 26 days. So now that you are all caught up, how has life been for you?

I am going to attempt to comment more on blogs, but our internet connection is finicky at best. So for now I'm sitting at the library.

fessing up about food n fears.

 I bought a gym pass a few weeks ago, and have been working out regularly.
   It feels great, and the gym here in Chetty is lovely and huge. Plus I have been going in the sauna and then treading water for a few minutes to cool off and then finishing it all with a soak in the hot tub. Between that and cutting way back on how much food I'm consuming when I'm not hungry, I've managed to lose 8 lbs!!! Needless to say I'm very excited. I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scale and I wasn't in the 140-150 range. 

 It's been an interesting journey. Making myself stop and think before chowing down on whatever was at hand when I became frustrated/irritated/bored/stressed.
Also going into the pool and having to wear a bathing suit has helped changed my perspective on my body. For some reason I see myself as heavy. Not fat, but heavier then I want to be. But lately I've realized this is skewed. I may not be thin when I compare myself to my younger sisters, but I need to realized that my curves don't make me fat. That being said I did take my measurements recently, which was slightly depressing, because I was hoping for smaller numbers. But I am trying to take into account, that I haven't been taking proper care of my body, and it took time to get where I am, and it will take time to arrive at my goal.

While finishing my workout in the pool recently, I was digging deeper into my thoughts. I realized I am afraid of a few things. Normally I would tell you that I'm not afraid of anything. End of discussion. Which is true in the physical sense. I don't fear bad guys, wild animals, walking in the dark. or even death. But I do fear emotional things. 

• Like making the wrong choice
• Letting people down (Boss, parents, people in authority over me)
• Losing my parents and siblings
• That people may not like me, if they really knew me. (this one stems from suffering rejection and believing the lies I've been told about myself) 

It was very freeing to admit this to myself. That they don't have to rule my life, because some of them are things I can't control and some are things I'm going to do either way and I can't live second guessing myself constantly.

I promise a real post soon.

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Alberta. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?" "Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious? "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you do have all the equipment." MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.